Monday, January 21, 2013

Long time no type!

So to say "it's been a while since I've posted" is an understatement...  It's been forever.  We've had how many end of the world scares since I've last posted???  Of course my money was on today's date as Obama's inauguration is today.  So I guess it's time to fill everyone in on the past couple years...

About 2 years ago or so, we moved out to my mom's house and put our house for rent to try and get out of debt.  Unfortunately, we didn't really get as far as we'd hoped because living so far away from everything was killing us in gas, and Aaron didn't work nearly the amount of overtime as we were used to.  We did get a few things taken care of though.  Living out there had it's pro's and con's, money aside.  It was out in the country so we didn't have neighbor issues like we have now (and boy do we ever have neighbor issues!!), but it was also out in the country...  I could go days without seeing anyone but my kids and husband.  That's where a lot of gas went, trying to get out and see real people!  But it was a really nice house, that was cool.  But after a while it got frustrating to not be able to decorate it the way we wanted.  My mom and step-dad lived in Oklahoma, but still had their house here as they planned to move back in a few years, so all of their stuff was still here and Aaron and I tried to keep our stuff limited to the back bedrooms.  By the time we were moving back to our house I had the whole decorating plan set up in my mind!

We moved back last March, and we're less than welcomed back by our neighbors.  We very quickly started to remember why we moved in the first place!  Long story short, we kept catching our neighbor on one side watching movies on his phone.  And when I say movies, I mean porn.  No, we couldn't SEE it (thank goodness) but when I go out in my front yard and hear very clearly... what I was hearing... I know what he's doing.  This was a daily occurence.  Aaron had words with him, and we ended up building a privacy fence in our back yard.  I didn't like the idea of a man who wasn't bothered to watch that garbage in the privacy of his own home (that he shares with his mother, just sayin...) being able to see into my back yard.  After Aaron had words with him he turned against us and went on a mission to turn the other neighbors against us to. 

Within a week or so of putting up our fence, our neighbor on the other side (who the pervert had previously hated, yet suddenly befriended) started calling the police on us for various reasons, mainly being our fence.  We couldn't afford to build the fence all the way down to the back fence on her side, and she already has a privacy fence, so we asked if we could just connect to hers for now.  She agreed, apparently then got amnesia or alzheimer's, and started calling the cops because our fence came on to her property.  Over a week or two, we had 3 different poice visits.  They were all sympathetic to our situation and nothing really came of it.  But it didn't look so good to constantly have a police car outside our house. 

On to what else has happened since my last post.  We moved back into our house at the end of March, and just days after we moved back my step-dad passed away.  It was sudden and very unexpected, but praise God, he passed peacefully in his sleep.  On April 1, 2012 my phone started ringing at about 4:15 or so in the morning.  I just remember grabbing the phone, seeing "Mom Mee" as the caller, then accidentally dropping the phone as I tried to answer.  I finally was able to answer it and my mom was crying saying "Corky had a heart attack!"  That's what she thought had happened at the time.  They'd been on a mini vacation at a hotel in a nearby town in Oklahoma, but when she woke in the middle of the night, he was gone.  She had the hotel call 911 and the rushed him to the hospital but it was too late.  Within 15 minutes of my moms phone call I was on my way to Oklahoma.  I left the house praying that God would protect and heal him, and when I called my mom to check at about 6, he was gone.  So I suppose in all honesty God answered my prayer.  My step-dad has never been as healthy and whole as he is today in Heaven. 

Within hours of arriving I started working on getting funeral arrangements underway, informing family, and trying to help my mom figure out what to do next.  She was in Oklahoma by herself now, no friends or family around, no job tying her there.  In the month after he passed, we came back to Texas for the funeral, back up to Oklahoma to move her down to Texas.  We sold her house there and moved her down here again.  A few months after she moved down here, she moved into a rental house knowing she couldn't keep up with the house they had here already.  She's still in limbo as legalities are dealt with, and I know it's driving her crazy, but she's really handling it well.  For all the changes she's had to make over the past year, she's been a trooper, even though I know she doesn't feel that way. 

I still have a hard time believing he's gone.  It still doesn't seem real at times.  But as much resistence as I put up when they first got together, I'm so thankful they found each other and got married.  He was so good to her and they truely loved each other. 

Aaron and I are (again) trying to get out of debt, this time with much more fervor than ever before. I'm so angry at our debt that I want to kill it in the most horrible way.  In the past year we've managed to pay off more than $10,000 and I'm hoping to double it this year.  So far we're at $679. 

A few things worked together to really push us to do it. 
1) It's ONLY by the grace of God that when I got that call from my mom at 4:15 that morning I had enough money to just up and go.  We have never held on to more than a dollar or two for any amount of time.
2) Because my mom and step-dad were sensible with money, that was one thing that she didn't have to be stressed about with all that was going on.  She had enough to pay for the funeral and take care of moving.  It really made me think.  I mean, Aaron has life insurance on all of us, but that takes a while to process so you can get it and the funeral home wants to be paid thousands of dollars now. 
3) With the issues we've been having with our neighbors I am ready to buy a new house.  This one is getting too small, and I do NOT want to have 2 teenage boys and their dad and only one bathroom.  No thank you.  I want to decorate and have nice things, but I can't in good conscience until I'm out of debt.  There is nothing on my walls right now, but as long as we're getting closer to being debt free, I'm ok with that. 
4) I would go out with friends and they'd find a shirt they loved or something and just get it.  $15 dollars on a shirt isn't that much and while I don't have rich friends (darn) they have been responsible with their money and it's not a big deal to spend $15 here and there.  If I were to do that, it has the potential to drop us into red.  It gave Proverbs 22:7 much more meaning in my life.  "The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender."  I was, and for now, still am slave to all the places I owe money to. 

I don't get to do what I want with my money because I have to give it all away!  I want to be able to help others the way I've been helped (give, not lend).  I want to follow through on promises to take my kids on vacations.  I want to pay it forward and pay for someones dinner or groceries.  I want to use my money the way God wants me to use it.

Ok, so this is generally where things are with us for now.  By the way, yes, we do still have the kids, I figured I'd share what they're up to in my next post.  I've taken too much time to write this as it is.  But in all honesty, the only reason I did was to put off housework a little longer.  Guess I gotta do it now.

Count your blessings name them one by one...

Ok, so I wrote this blog a good 2 years ago, and it seems crazy to post a draft you wrote that long ago, right?  But I found that most of it still rings pretty true, except thankfully Reese is no longer in diapers, so why not post?  I'm sure I can add plenty to this but we'll save that for another time...  Well, assuming I actually continue posting.  I'm not making any promises! 

So how many of you pray and thank God for the blessings in your life?  I'm sure you thank God for your spouse, your kids, your job.  But have you ever gotten a little more specific? 
I love/am thankful for:
1. Reese's brown eyes that are so dark in color they seem too mature for a baby.
2. Braeden's expression when he's really excited about something.
3. How much I know I can trust Aaron when so many women can't trust their husbands to actually follow through on their wedding vows.
4.  The talks Aaron and I have when we ignore the tv, internet, kids.
5. The naps Reese lets me take on the days Braeden's at school.
6. A pleasant surprise of a good tip when the tippers were, well, not as pleasant.  As porcupines.  That are mad.  And cold.  'Nough said.
7. The way my boys play together for that brief moment before the fighting begins.
8. When Braeden says "I wanna hold you mama."
9. How when I hold Reese when he's tired he'll lay his head down on me.
10. That accomplished feeling when you get the house cleaned.  I just hate the feeling before that one of cleaning house.
11. Going into the closet to find something to wear when I'm in a hurry and the outfit I want to wear NOT being wrinkled!
12. I love the sense of humor Aaron and all of his family has.
13. I love my in-laws willingness to help.
14. I love when my mom comes into town and we just sit in silence playing nintendo DS or reading.
15. I actually love how my dad says "little joke, little joke!" 
16. When we were homeschooled I loved when me and Colt would go outside and do school on windy fall days.
17. I have so much fun when my sis and I stay up at night talking when she's in town.
18. Me and Spencer's bickering.  Just like old times.
19. I love it when we actually get the trash out before the trash man comes.
20. I love the surprise when I go to change Reesey's diaper when I'm sure he's pooped and come to find out he only tooted.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Too Many Titles to Choose

This weekend was our churches ladies retreat.  First off, it was a blast.  I'm tellin you, those women are NUTS!  God definitely chose the right place for me to be.  Secondly, wow.  That's all I can say.  Wow.  I left for the retreat feeling far from God.  I felt like I was not only behind a wall that I'd built to keep God out, but in a fully enclosed brick room.  We started the quiet time devotions by looking at sin and pride.  "What sin are you holding onto?" it asked.  It took a while to answer.  Because I had not let myself think I was sinning.  I mean, people have ups and downs in their walk with God all the time right?  Sin came in when I had a down time, and I stayed down.  When I felt God putting conviction on me to give things up and focus on Him and I denied Him.  It came when instead of being the mom and wife the Bible tells me to be, I remained stressed and depressed.  Sin came in so many ways all I can do is sum it up.  Pride.  Selfishness.  I had all kinds of excuses in play for why I felt down.  "It's been a long day."  "I didn't get much sleep last night."  "I struggle with depression."  Never once did I say it like it was.  I never said, "I rarely open my Bible or pray and when I do I don't trust that God will answer." 

Friday during that time to think and put a name to my sin, I felt God moving.  I knew He was calling me to repent but I still resisted.  I was feeling a bit better, but wasn't ready to let go of my sin, or fully own up to it.  One of the scriptures was Proverbs 28:13 that says, "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy."  It hit me.  The light came on in that brick room and I could see that all my prayers before had been empty.  It was during Saturday's quiet time that I prayed and truely asked for forgiveness.  I poured out my heart and opened up to God's healing.  I let go of the pride and selfishness.  I felt so free of anger, pain, depression, fear, and any other negative emotion you can have.  I was ready to learn and move on.

I had been here before though and the fear crept into my mind "what if I get back to reality at home and all these things that haunted me come back?"  Now you know you've done the yo-yo faith a long time when that's your first fear.  If you'd seen my blog around this time last year you'll know where this is going.  I'm not just gonna say I'm going to read my Bible every day and pray.  I said that last year and something always came up.  "I just wanna watch this one show", or the boys are fighting again, or I think, "mmmmm, sleeeeeepppp."  I needed a plan.  I needed more than just to try to read my Bible and pray once a day.  I needed to surround myself with God.  I prayed as to how He wanted me to do that and it hit me that the music I had been listening to would be beneficial to no one.  Ever.  It's easy for me to give up the music I KNOW is bad.  What about other stuff?  Country songs that have no cussing or ugliness?  Does God ever answer you in a question?  I feel like He said, "but what do you chose to listen to the most?"  Ahhhhh.  Gotcha.  I need to shut off the tv and turn on some Christian music while I clean.  I need to stop letting my kids keep the tv on all day long.  I need to play with them and teach them. 

I've had a really hard time lately with struggling to keep up with all the things I feel I am supposed to do and it had taken a huge toll on me.  I was getting fed up.  A friend helped me to see that I need to focus on the important things.  Not cleaning house all day is gonna be really hard to do.  I am definitely gonna need God to help me forget all the dirty laundry and help me focus on reading my kids that story and pretending that Braeden is a dinosaur/lion. 

Another thought; our church is getting very active in reaching out to our community.  A friend told me a while back that she felt like we needed something to ensure that the people in our church already that hadn't come in a while still felt loved and welcome.  I just agreed and we went on talking about the kids.  It's such a cliche (and I hate those!) but we really do need to be the change we want to see.  I need to branch out of my comfort circle of friends and get to know others.  People who aren't like me and aren't from the same background.  If I don't do that what's gonna happen when we do get more people to go to church?  People that already have misgivings, fears, and assumptions about "Christians" period?  I've aways hated being stereotyped but I fall right into the "those Christians" category.  It's gotta change.

I encourage anyone that has read this book (sorry) to do some things.  1)  If you don't go to church, go.  If that church isn't for you, keep trying different ones.  God has called you to a church and you have to go in order to find it.  2)  If you do go to church, reach out to those that are already there as well as those that aren't.  Our job as Christians is to honor God by sharing His truth with unbelievers.  Most people leave it at that.  But we are also to encourage believers.  Everyone has ups and downs.  Get to know some new people.  Talk to them.  Say more then "hi, how are ya, bye."  Most people hide their down times with God.  You can't wait to start encouragement when they come to you because it may never happen.

I could say so much more, but I'm gonna leave it here for now.  Break out of your comfort zone and reach out.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Times; Their a changin!

Wow, it's been a really long time since I've written.  Yowza.  Ok, so A LOT has changed.  To be honest, I think I'm just gonna lay the new bio down.

Ok, so I'm Serenity, wife of Aaron, mother of Braeden (4 in January) and Reese (2 in January) and a hard working, blood, sweat, and tears kinda deal, housewife.  Wow, Desperate Housewives has totally changed my view of that word.  Ok, call me a homemaker.  I'm 25 and have been married for 5 years! 

Now that that's out of the way, most of you know that Aaron and I moved out of our house and into my mom's house.  We felt we were drowning in debt and it wasn't enough for us to just break even, we wanted to pay it off.  So after making some changes, and still not making the progress we wanted to, we moved into my mom's house.  She and my step-dad live in Oklahoma while he works, but are holding on to this place so when he retires again, they can just move on home.  It helps them because we pay all utilities, so that saves them money since they kept everything on at the house so they could stay here when they came home.  It's also good for them to have someone out here keeping an eye on things and keeping everything kept up. 

We put our house up for rent and make a little extra off of that other than our house payment.  Unfortunately, around the same time we moved, Aaron's overtime became little to none, and we still have trouble paying extra on stuff.  For a while, I kind of had a "woe is me" attitude about it thinking we'd never get out of debt.  Then I decided to make it happen.  I picked our smallest debt, a $500 store credit card, and decided to attack.  I mean I was going at this thing like a psycho with a machete.  I set a 3 month goal in which I would get this paid off and canceled and took up odd jobs to knock it out.  Anytime we had extra money, it went to this card.  I was a bit worried that I wouldn't make my 3 month goal, but I did!  By November I had paid off and canceled our first credit card.  The Dave Ramsey debt snowball was rolling!  Next I set a goal to pay off a $210 family loan (shhhh, don't tell Dave) by New Years.  I was able to give $210 in cash to our debtor!  Another one bites the dust!  Now I am currently working on paying off our $1000 credit card.  It's been a struggle, especially now with the holidays, but we're getting there.  I'm gonna say I want to have that one paid off by April.  I have about $760 left on it.

The debt snowball may be rolling, but that doesn't mean that sometimes it doesn't get stuck on a bump.  I have gotten a lot more frugal with money, but I still do face temptations.  Temptation to get fast food, go out to eat, buy this or that.  It's a constant struggle and I don't even want to know how much debt I'd have paid off if I didn't succumb to the temptations. 

I decided to go shopping on black Friday with a friend.  I know, we're crazy.  I went with a plan of what I wanted to buy, and had already checked the store papers to find by best deals.  I'll admit, some of the things I didn't NEED exactly.  But at the end of the day I'd gotten Reesey some clothes, and me a comforter set for our room.  I didn't have much money to use, and I really wanted to cash in on those sales, so I brought my credit card.  Yes, the one I was trying to pay off.  I had $180 available and was determined to use every last cent.  I get to the register, and guess what?  It declined.  It had been so long since I'd used it, that without realizing it, it had expired in May!  Wow.  That was my first shop of the day, so I used my debit card and decided that would probably be about all the shopping I was gonna get done.  I did get some clothes from JC Penny, but that was a gift for Reesey from my mom. 

Things have really changed, my focus aside from God and my family, is now being smart with money.  Learning to be frugal and the ideal homemaker, minus the apron.  I just can't seem to get myself to wear an apron.  I am learning how to make my own foods, household cleaners, etc, etc.  So expect a lot more posts from me revolving around typical homemaker topics.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Media:God - You in?

Today my Sunday School lesson (which I'll admit I didn't study for) was about our media usage.  Interesting that this is the very area in which I've been convicted about this week...  In a world of TV, DVD, cell phones that do all but wash your car, radio, Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, even Blogger, we spend, er, waste so much time and then when asked to do something we don't feel like doing, such as read our Bible and pray, we simply say, "I'm way too busy and can't seem to find the time."  We blame it on everything.  Kids, jobs, housework, school, spouses! and even go as far as to blame fatigue.  The real culprit?  Media induced laziness and a sinners heart.  So now what? 

If I were to ask you to give up your least favorite show that you mindlessly watch (think Spongebob as one example), to make time to read the Bible and pray instead it would be NO problem I'm sure.  What if I ask you to give up your absolute favorite show?  Or Farmville?  Or Facebook chat with the bestie? to pray instead???  That's a bit tougher, huh?  So lucky for you, I'm not going to ask you to do either.  Now what God asks of you is a whole different story, and maybe this challenge will help you to know what God is asking you to do.

I challenged my youth girls to spend equal the amount of time that they spend on media per day, on God.  I also challenged them to replace their secular music with UPLIFTING Christian music (reminder, not all "Christian" music is uplifting.  Focus on the lyrics to decide) for at least a week and see what God does in their lives.  This is as much a challenge for me as them, and even you.  Laziness and sin doesn't just stay within our teenagers, you know.  So basically, if you want to watch your favorite show that lasts an hour long, then you should be focusing on God for at least an hour.  Say, afterward, you decide to get on Facebook for a half hour, that's another half hour with God.  How much time do you spend playing Farmville a day?  No, really, don't lie.  Wow, so if you spent that three and a half hours on God instead of on Farmville, what could He tell you in that time?  Is it that much of a stretch to say that you use five hours a day on some sort of media?  I bet that you're sitting there thinking, "ok, so you want me to MATCH that time with time in prayer and in scripture?  That's TEN hours of my day!  I'll never get any sleep!  And forget a job!"  Here's my question, if this challenge seems like a stretch for you, what does that tell you about your life?

I cannot even begin to guess the things God will speak to me about in this next week.  I know what I plan to talk to Him about though, so that's a good start.  When I think about the possible ways this plan can affect my life, I see a lot of wonderful things.  Let's just see what I expect in my own life:
1. My media usage and dependency will go WAY down.
2. My productiveness will go WAY up.
3. My relationship with God will mature and I'll gain new sense of direction.
4. My children, husband, and friends will see a change in me.
5. I'll learn that I can live without a cell phone in my pocket every moment of every day.
6. By listening only to uplifting music I won't have to worry about what my kids may hear, what gets stuck in my head, or how I'll feel.
7. I'll learn more scripture and more about God in general and be ready to share about Him.
8. Since so much of my time will be focused on God, then the times I'm not actively praying or reading my bible, when I'm doing daily activities, my thoughts will still be on Him. 
9. I'll realize just how much time I waste daily when I'm tracking the numbers and make serious changes that will affect not only my week, but my lifestyle.

There are so many more possibilities that I haven't even considered.  I can't wait to report back at the end of the week to share.  I invite, even beg you to join in this challenge.  So I guess this means now that I've got an hour to spend focusing solely on God.  Oh, and don't expect to get away with rolling all of your media usage together by watching TV while you Facebook, talking on your cell phone and playing Farmville in another window all in one hour.  See you next week!

** "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" **

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I Wanna be Loved Like That

One of my favorite songs of all time is "I Wanna be Loved Like That" by Shenandoah.  Seriously, check it out, beautiful song. 

I don't know much about my grandparents relationship at the beginning.  I just know what it was like to witness it and hear about it in the short amount of time I had with them.  You didn't have to know the history to know that my Grandpa loved Nana with all his heart, or that Nana fully trusted Grandpa and felt safe with him.

I've always felt, or maybe just hoped, that my relationship with Aaron is like my grandparents relationship.  The were married for 50 years before my grandpa died.  He was holding on to life to make sure they got that 50 years together.  From my perception, Nana had quite a bit of spunk for such a little woman!  Kinda reminds me of someone, though she was far more petite than I am, and I'm sure Aaron wouldn't call me "spunky" exactly...  Grandpa always struck me as being so strong and faithful. 

When I picture Aaron and I after 50 years of marriage I can't help but see my grandparents.  I don't know if it's because that's what we are, or just what I want us to be.  I want our love for each other to be obvious in the little things.  I know that the only way that can happen is if we push through any fights, or worldly ideas of what marriage is or should be. 

My family's told Aaron that Grandpa would have liked him.  I think that's because they are alike in some ways.  I only wish Grandpa had gotten to meet Aaron.  I wish he could have seen that I'm happy with a good man and amazing kids.  Grandpa died when I was 15.  I wish before he went home that I spent more time with him.  I was too busy being a "cool" teenager that I missed the last few years of his life.  He and I were always so close and I missed an opportunity to get to know him better.

I didn't make the same mistake with Nana.  I tried as often as I could to see her, of course I still wish it had been more.  She died in October 2007.  I have a picture of her holding my sweet baby Braeden when he was only a few weeks old.  I'm so glad she got to meet him.  I wish she could have met Reesey.  I'm sure she'd have been just as much a sucker for those dark brown eyes like the rest of the world. 

The hardest part about my Nana passing was that she, knowing how close I was to my Grandpa, never felt she measured up.  I wish I'd have made more effort to tell her I loved her just as much, and that though Grandpa and I were close, she and I had an amazing relationship.  I loved getting to talk to her as an adult and hear her take on life and hear her advice to me.  Maybe it was those conversations that gave me a great look into my grandparents love and marriage.  So yes, I do hope I can not only be loved like that, but love like that.

Aaron, bear with me when I'm being, well, "spunky" to nicely put it.  You are my strong and ever faithful husband.  We'll see our 50 years and Jesus, whichever comes first.  I love you.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Oh yeah, by the way...

2 blogs in one day!  Wow!  I promise, this will not be the norm.  I caught myself worrying that my "spiritual high" would fade away in time and realized that it doesn't have to.  I don't have to fall away from God.  There's going to be days that I'm on fire for God and want all I can get and have faith that can move mountains AND have love, but there's going to be days when, well, lets just say I'm not so enthusiastic.  The test of salvation (wow, I just realized how easy the word salvation can turn into salivation) is in those not so enthusiastic days.  Making a conscious decision to honor God in everything is easy when I've just come home from a ladies retreat where all there was to focus on was God, but the real world isn't a womens retreat.  It's full of temptation and doubt and fear.  If we want to stay close to God, we have to change our lifestyle to be more Christ-centered.  What good would it do me to sit and watch TV all day and never read my Bible?  Or to gossip about a "friend" instead of pray for them?  Or yell at my kids and get frustrated because of their disobedience instead of teaching them to obey?  If I go back to the way I did things before, my distance from God will become very far in a very small amount of time.  Take every thought captive.  If you aren't sure an action is sinful, pray about it and WAIT for the answer.  So what things in your life distract you from Him?  What are you going to do about it?  Remember, God is not interested in a compromise.  He wants your obedience and focus.