Too Many Titles to Choose

This weekend was our churches ladies retreat.  First off, it was a blast.  I'm tellin you, those women are NUTS!  God definitely chose the right place for me to be.  Secondly, wow.  That's all I can say.  Wow.  I left for the retreat feeling far from God.  I felt like I was not only behind a wall that I'd built to keep God out, but in a fully enclosed brick room.  We started the quiet time devotions by looking at sin and pride.  "What sin are you holding onto?" it asked.  It took a while to answer.  Because I had not let myself think I was sinning.  I mean, people have ups and downs in their walk with God all the time right?  Sin came in when I had a down time, and I stayed down.  When I felt God putting conviction on me to give things up and focus on Him and I denied Him.  It came when instead of being the mom and wife the Bible tells me to be, I remained stressed and depressed.  Sin came in so many ways all I can do is sum it up.  Pride.  Selfishness.  I had all kinds of excuses in play for why I felt down.  "It's been a long day."  "I didn't get much sleep last night."  "I struggle with depression."  Never once did I say it like it was.  I never said, "I rarely open my Bible or pray and when I do I don't trust that God will answer." 

Friday during that time to think and put a name to my sin, I felt God moving.  I knew He was calling me to repent but I still resisted.  I was feeling a bit better, but wasn't ready to let go of my sin, or fully own up to it.  One of the scriptures was Proverbs 28:13 that says, "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy."  It hit me.  The light came on in that brick room and I could see that all my prayers before had been empty.  It was during Saturday's quiet time that I prayed and truely asked for forgiveness.  I poured out my heart and opened up to God's healing.  I let go of the pride and selfishness.  I felt so free of anger, pain, depression, fear, and any other negative emotion you can have.  I was ready to learn and move on.

I had been here before though and the fear crept into my mind "what if I get back to reality at home and all these things that haunted me come back?"  Now you know you've done the yo-yo faith a long time when that's your first fear.  If you'd seen my blog around this time last year you'll know where this is going.  I'm not just gonna say I'm going to read my Bible every day and pray.  I said that last year and something always came up.  "I just wanna watch this one show", or the boys are fighting again, or I think, "mmmmm, sleeeeeepppp."  I needed a plan.  I needed more than just to try to read my Bible and pray once a day.  I needed to surround myself with God.  I prayed as to how He wanted me to do that and it hit me that the music I had been listening to would be beneficial to no one.  Ever.  It's easy for me to give up the music I KNOW is bad.  What about other stuff?  Country songs that have no cussing or ugliness?  Does God ever answer you in a question?  I feel like He said, "but what do you chose to listen to the most?"  Ahhhhh.  Gotcha.  I need to shut off the tv and turn on some Christian music while I clean.  I need to stop letting my kids keep the tv on all day long.  I need to play with them and teach them. 

I've had a really hard time lately with struggling to keep up with all the things I feel I am supposed to do and it had taken a huge toll on me.  I was getting fed up.  A friend helped me to see that I need to focus on the important things.  Not cleaning house all day is gonna be really hard to do.  I am definitely gonna need God to help me forget all the dirty laundry and help me focus on reading my kids that story and pretending that Braeden is a dinosaur/lion. 

Another thought; our church is getting very active in reaching out to our community.  A friend told me a while back that she felt like we needed something to ensure that the people in our church already that hadn't come in a while still felt loved and welcome.  I just agreed and we went on talking about the kids.  It's such a cliche (and I hate those!) but we really do need to be the change we want to see.  I need to branch out of my comfort circle of friends and get to know others.  People who aren't like me and aren't from the same background.  If I don't do that what's gonna happen when we do get more people to go to church?  People that already have misgivings, fears, and assumptions about "Christians" period?  I've aways hated being stereotyped but I fall right into the "those Christians" category.  It's gotta change.

I encourage anyone that has read this book (sorry) to do some things.  1)  If you don't go to church, go.  If that church isn't for you, keep trying different ones.  God has called you to a church and you have to go in order to find it.  2)  If you do go to church, reach out to those that are already there as well as those that aren't.  Our job as Christians is to honor God by sharing His truth with unbelievers.  Most people leave it at that.  But we are also to encourage believers.  Everyone has ups and downs.  Get to know some new people.  Talk to them.  Say more then "hi, how are ya, bye."  Most people hide their down times with God.  You can't wait to start encouragement when they come to you because it may never happen.

I could say so much more, but I'm gonna leave it here for now.  Break out of your comfort zone and reach out.